I’ll tell you one thing, truth isn’t being reconciled in my life very much lately. I voluntarily plead ignorance on just about everything tonight. Humility’s not something that comes easy for me, but I’m such a broken mess that it’s about the only thing I can hang my hat on right now.
There is truth. There are things that are absolute. There’s a historical Jesus who came to a real earth and died a real death to change the world. True things don’t have to make sense to me, because my mind isn’t the quintessential example of genius (believe it or not). But not every truth, every Bible concept or lesson is clear cut and cleanly overlapping with the rest of life. I’m all in on the truths. Scientific, Biblical, Street Smarts – I’m a hundred percent for the things that are true and real. But I’m struggling with the truths that aren’t manifesting in my life. The truths that sit stagnant in me as head knowledge, but where no turn of my life allows them to show themselves as real and operable truths.
It’s Christ’s desire for my life to be a testimony, yes sir. For my love to manifest as an overflow of Christ’s perfect love for me, and to actualize in my actions towards others. Yep, I’m on board with that. Try, even, to do it from time to time. I also know about risk, about temptation, and guarding my heart. I remember learning the hard way in the very beginning of my belief. I carried so much baggage from my old lifestyle into my relationship with Christ, for a long time I didn’t see what was wrong with situations that didn’t directly garner a checkmark under the “sin” column. But I know better now. At least a little.
But what of the times when embodying one truth is to the disobedience of the other. What if they play the hero AND the villian? Who wins? It’s not as easy as a multiple choice test, surely not. But I’m struggling with the silence. Why so silent, so still, when all I need to see is one situation where these things interact so I can make a choice and GO!?
When truth fails to reconcile, I don’t quit believing in truth. What a mess. And horrible snap decision. Instead I wait, like I have been. I wait for two years, maybe wait for more. I soak my scarf around my neck with the heartbreak of waiting while I drive home in the snow. And all I’m saying is that my sadness is turning to anger, because I’ve never waited so long for something and my patience isn’t built to last.