• thisisby.us writing
    • Driving West
    • Driving West II
    • Driving West III
    • Your Own Cadence
    • Celebrity Death Pool
    • Riverwords
    • Only in Your Dreams
    • A New Kind of Nieve
    • With Your Artist Hands
    • Unwilling to be Told
    • Email
    • No Sleeping Here
    • Only Mom Sleeps at Home Tonight
    • Students Over Security
    • TRaNSiT
    • Cycles of Freedom
    • She Said
    • Heartbeat for Africa
    • Driving in the Right Lane
    • In the Dark
    • Party of One

Daughter of the King

~ Just another WordPress.com weblog

Daughter of the King

Tag Archives: Godly man

Cut Off

15 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by lbcarizona in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bold, Chicago, communication, falling in love, friends, Godly man, letter, love, mail, past, relationships, visits, words

I’m always the one doing the cutting off. I don’t know why, exactly. I’m not necessarily the type. I’m a pretty likeable person, they say. Unless no one tells the truth around here. I love to have fun, love to love–sometimes too much. But I tend to see my weaknessess and hesitate to step in too far where I’ll falter. That’s where I find myself cutting off. You’d say I cut you off, right?  Or, tried.  It was the way I thought things should go.

I try to be clear. I use my words. I remember to never make promises, because that’s not fair. I sit at kitchen tables, in parked cars on the street, on the steps of some church down the street from your place, all to explain why I think this way will be better. You fight it, you don’t hear me, only I understand.

Memories and loneliness make me turn the choice over and over, make me make sure it’s right, in the months that follow. We write letters because I said we could. I frown when you call. And when you send messages meant to make me laugh. You are breaking the rules we made, but really only I made them. I’m the one cutting off because only I understand.

Your words are as clear as these months are long. You’re stuck on me, which is not good.  So to be clearer still, I tell you about the man I fell in love with years ago. Whose salvation I involuntarily wait on. Not because it has anything to do with you and me, but because the way I wait on him is the way you’re waiting on me. And I can’t figure who’s the bigger fool. You don’t see what I’m saying, but you see something else. Something more. Because you love me, you see the way I’m stuck on this stubborn man and you see how it’s crushing me. In the end, because of it all, you cut me off.

I’ve never been cut off before. Not really. Not unless I was the one building the wall between us. I’m stunned at your finality. I will not expect a letter from you, you say. I do not think it’s a good idea to see you–and you underline do not. The ball’s in my court, you tell me, but only if I want to love you. And I can’t make myself love you.

The stiff arm you give me is bold and sure. You’ve not spoken to me with such confidence before. With such assurance. With such leadership. When I asked you for leadership–and I asked you for leadership–you never gave me this. But I ask you not to wait on me, and you give me a man of God that I could fall for. The distance of being cut off feels so isolated. And isolation is not a feeling with which I am well-acquainted.

Pages

  • thisisby.us writing
    • Driving West
    • Driving West II
    • Driving West III
    • Your Own Cadence
    • Celebrity Death Pool
    • Riverwords
    • Only in Your Dreams
    • A New Kind of Nieve
    • With Your Artist Hands
    • Unwilling to be Told
    • Email
    • No Sleeping Here
    • Only Mom Sleeps at Home Tonight
    • Students Over Security
    • TRaNSiT
    • Cycles of Freedom
    • She Said
    • Heartbeat for Africa
    • Driving in the Right Lane
    • In the Dark
    • Party of One

Archives

  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • April 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
  • November 2008

100 words adventure beauty books change character Chicago choice Christ Christian Christianity church city coffee Colorado communication conversation creative writing death downtown driving engagement entertainment exercise faith family food friends friendship future God graffiti high school hiking history hockey http://ibecameashepherd.blogspot.com/ Jesus Jesus Christ life literature love mail marriage memories memory Michigan money movies music new york New York City NYC observation pain past practice prompt rating relationship relationships restaurant review road trip salvation social songwriting story subway summer travel urban words writing youth

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy