I have to ask honestly. I’m not bringing the agenda that you think I have. Not even the agenda that I might actually have. No agendas here. Not even calendars or planners, just to make everyone feel entirely comfortable.
I’m coming with nothing but my most sincere wonderings. Just a fistful of curiosity, hours of pondering, and yet no answers, no resolve. I just can’t figure why.
I understand that we have cultural status quos and traditions of all shapes and sounds. I get, too, that some days it’s all we can do to just roll with the punches. Maybe it’s just that simple. I guess I’m looking for more. My unsatisfied self, meandering around in the garden of the I don’t knows. I’m always looking for more, digging deeper, trying to get to the bottom of things, when–in fact–I may already be there. So, pardon my ignorance.
I celebrate Christmas because I find that Christmas marks a day, commemorates a birth, that I believe actually happened. Yep, in the real, chronological account of history. This earth. Our past. Real life. I believe it mattered when Christ was born. Not only do I think it was real, and historical, but I think it changed the way the world functions and it offers us a space to respond.
Now, remember, I didn’t bring the agenda you think I have. I didn’t used to be this girl. Didn’t believe any of this for years. I ignorantly, arrogantly, ignored it all and played like I knew better. I truly thought I knew so much better. But in the long, twisted story of it all, I searched for answers and made a choice, which Christmas paves the way for. I find Christmas a holiday that matters and makes a difference. We celebrate things, naturally, that matter and make a difference.
I just can’t wrap my still-learing, still-eager, always-seeking mind around it. You don’t think it matters, Jesus slipping into skin and living here two-thousand years ago. You don’t think he even did, or maybe that he did and that he was just a messed up fool like the rest of us. It’s nothing to you but a time to work hard in the industry or a few days away from the office, a break from school and homework, a time to book a flight and visit Mom. None of it makes any sense to me. How can you celebrate something you don’t believe in? What makes you sing the songs or buy the gifts, don red and green and drink champagne at the holiday parties?
My King is not your king, why are you celebrating His birth with me?